Sorry in advance for this being so long-winded. If you've read any of
my other posts, you know that's just how I am. A writer at
heart. };=p
So, you may have noticed that I'm back after my semi-absence which I
took while trying to work out my doubts. I was confused by the
contradiction of my draconic and equine traits. I thought, 'I can't
be both, but which one am I, if I am one at all?'
During Winter break, while I was visiting my family at the house in
which I grew up in, something I had never considered before suddenly
occurred to me.
Are you ready? It's story time!
\__/
^_~
Once upon a time (when I was somewhere between four and five years
old), my family moved into this wonderful old house. Two levels, the
bottom one with extremely high ceilings, and a total of eight main
rooms between the first and second floors. According to couple who
sold us the house, it had been built where a horse stable used to
stand. Sure enough, we found some old tools and rusty horse shoes
buried in the backyard.
Over the years that I lived there, for as long as I can remember, I
experienced sightings of strange cats. Usually, I would see them in
the distance or out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked again,
they'd be gone. Being a rational child, I might have passed it off as
a trick of the light or maybe a lock of my own hair flashing in my
peripheral vision. The odd thing was that the cats always looked the
same. There was a grey tabby and a small white one. Usually I'd see
them separately, but I recall at least one clear sighting of the two
of them sitting together under the black walnut tree in the backyard.
There was also one incident in which I was sprawled over the arm of a
couch, looking directly down the stairs with nothing, not even my
hair, obscuring my vision, and the grey tabby cat appeared clear as
day, about four steps from the top. It trotted up about three steps,
coming straight towards me, then disappeared.
It became even weirder when both my mother and my brother told me, on
separate occasions, that they had seen a white kitten appear and
vanish (my brother) or felt a cat kneading their legs when they were
in bed, but looked to see nothing (my mother). I lost almost all
doubts that there were a couple of cats haunting me house at that
point, and I came to the logical conclusion that they had lived in the
house, or perhaps the stable, before.
What does this have to do with a dragon-souled acting like a horse,
you ask?
Well, I was thinking about these ghost cats while taking a bath. I do
a lot of thinking while bathing, cuz what else is there to do?
Anyway, I wondered why I had seen stable-cat ghosts but never any sign
of horse ghosts. Then the idea occurred to me that, just maybe, one
of those horses had been with me all along.
Now, rationally, I would argue with myself that I've always loved
horses, and that simple fact is a much more likely reason for my
equine nature than being passively possessed by the spirit of an
actual horse. However, that 'fact' is not. I don't remember this
myself, because I was too young, but I do remember my mother telling
me more than once that my first favorite animal was the rabbit.
Apparently, I adored them. Then, somewhere between the ages of three
and five, I lost all interest in rabbits and started loving horses
instead. This train of thought ended with the concept that, just
possibly, the lingering equine spirit latched onto an impressionable
young child when she moved into its territory and began to influence
her, and has been a part of her ever since.
After coming up with this theory, I asked my parents if they
remembered exactly when my favorite animal had switched. My mother
didn't remember, which wasn't surprising in the condition she's in.
All my father said was that it was probably before I was five.
Still room for doubt, yes, but there always is. I didn't type this
immediately because I wanted to think about it. It's been a couple
months now, and the idea definitely seems to fit.
The entire reason I had an issue with my conflicting aspects was that,
instead of just wanting to be around horses and ride them like a
typical horse-lover, I wanted to BE one. Just as with my draconic
aspect's growling, clawing, phantom limbs, and desperate longing to
fly, I have several traits and habits reminiscent of a horse.
'Cantering' instead of running, tossing my head and flaring my
nostrils, and generally reacting in very equine-like manners without
meaning to, plus a yearning, whenever I'm not thinking about flight,
to gallop on four legs as fast as I can, hear the impact of my hooves,
and feel the wind in my mane and tail.
As I said when I first brought up my problem, the equine and dragon
personalities shift and trade off dominance on a regular basis, and
that caused me quite a bit of uncertainty. I generally felt deep down
that I was more dragon than horse, but when the horse was at its
strongest, even that wasn't so clear. This theory, however, seems to
explain everything and eases my inner turbulence (whew, big words).
So, there you have it. That's the conclusion I've come to and why I'm
back with as much cheer and confidence as ever. Heyla!
On a completely different note, anyone ever met a dragon by the name
of Kazaaar? He and I met online by chance, not even knowing what we
had in common, and are now having a lot of fun together.
--
Dreamseeker
Bearer of one Ponder Point
Creator of the Subspace Choklit Pockit
Owner of a Never-Emptying-Favourite-Drink Flask, an Endless-Cookie-of-
Doom, a living velvet kitten plush toy, and a Comb of Chaos
DC2.D~ Gf L12f13t30w W- T Phfltvw Sks,wh Cau Bzz A- Fr- Na Mr---Mv- H+
+ $ F+Fo R+++ Ac+ J++ S++ U- I V+[weather magic] Q+[empathy] Tc E++
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