Peace be upon you and all of your camels, even the crappy ones.
Your women, sell them to me.
On Jul 25, 11:29 am, "Amber" <m...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> From The Times (of London)
> July 25, 2008
> Gerard Baker
>
> He ventured forth to bring light to the world
> The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action -
and
> a blessing to all his faithful followers.
>
> And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush
the
> Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to
the
> shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in
the
> wilderness.
>
> The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family,
> offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and
an
> African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of
> righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a
> little blow.
>
> When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City
of
> Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the
Prophet
> Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they
heard
> and said among themselves: "Verily, who is this Child that he opens our
> hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?"
>
> In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving
Hillary,
> wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of
> Working Class Whites.
>
> And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the
> appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring
the
> light unto all the world.
>
> He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that
> consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He
> ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the
>
> Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining
terror
> on all the world.
>
> And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the
Caveats
> that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the
> forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with
his
> arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of
terror
> was no more.
>
> From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the
great
> ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen
Month
> Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to
destroy
> it.
>
> And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge
of
> Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a
waste
> of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's
very
> presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the
light.
>
> And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to
speak
> with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the
> mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat
their
> uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.
>
> From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered
through
> the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had
followed
> him from afar cheered "Hosanna" and waved great palm fronds and strewed
them
> at his feet.
>
> In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the
Hebrews
> and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the
lion
> lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their
long
> enmity and lived for ever after in peace.
>
> As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works,
peoples
> from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and
> McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.
>
> And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of
the
> Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline,
and
> the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.
>
> The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was
the
> anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one
> generations had been waiting for.
>
> And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the
Wall,
> spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and
rates
> on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond
> tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow
again.
>
> Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel.
In
> hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were
> uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.
>
> And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness
to
> the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he
saw
> it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.
>
> Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto
the
> shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast
> multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at
length.
>
> But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was
> hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited
for
> him.
>
> And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had
was
> five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the
> frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the
multitudes.
> And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.
>
> Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess
Carla
> of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love
with
> the Child, but he was tempted not.
>
> On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the
ancient
> land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once
> great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his
successor,
> David the Golden One.
>
> And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole
host
> of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God
and
> singing: "Yes, We Can."
>
> __._,_.___
|
